remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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