Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
