Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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