My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
