hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
