4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
