I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
