he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
