thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
