I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize