this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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