We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
