I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
