My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
