Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
