i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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