I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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