my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
