That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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