Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
