Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
