Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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