Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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