i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
