Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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