The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Boobs speak an international language.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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