Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
