How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
