the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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