I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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