Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
