I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
