Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
