Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
