I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
