I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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