omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
