I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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