I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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