I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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