Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
