May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
