I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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