remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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