Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
love makes seman taste better
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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