nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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