My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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