whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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