He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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