I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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