what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
