their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
