hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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