just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
