so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
