Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
