I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize