We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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