i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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