Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
