Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
