i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
