Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
